The end of the year can bring a lot of “shoulds” into our professional and personal lives.
We should do whatever it takes to hit those fourth-quarter operating goals. We should get every last item on our endless lists completed. We should count our abundant blessings on Thanksgiving and on every day of the year. We should enjoy the many holiday celebrations with our colleagues, friends and family.
Except, what if you’re not feeling it?
What if you’re not enjoying ā or at least making it through, with a smile on your face ā everything on your calendar? What if you feel overwhelmed? What if you feel tired, or lonely, or longing for some quiet time where you can just be? What if you feel angry, or afraid, or just plain sad about something (or many somethings)?
For my Thanksgiving week blog post, I was eager to share something inspiring and uplifting. A few drafts are still languishing in my files, unfinished. They felt forced. Inauthentic. And unlikely to inspire anyone.
So I eased up on my self-imposed deadline. I let myself play around with ideas. I let my mind simply be for a while.
And it came to me while I was driving today.
What do you do when you’re not feeling it?
At lunch with a group of people I met recently, one person said with a sigh that she just wasn’t feeling it that day.
Support immediately came from the people around the table, in the form of questions. “What are you experiencing?” one person asked. “What seems to be the trouble?” another asked. “What do you want?” yet another asked.
Bit by bit, the story flowed. Speaking it aloud began to neutralize its grip. The space opened up to just be with it.
You may find yourself in spots where you’re not feeling it. Yet you may not feel it’s acceptable to share those feelings with others. You may not even to acknowledge them to yourself. If you’re in a leadership role, you may feel pressure to maintain a positive demeanor, even if you feel miserable inside.
Being positive and uplifting others has been my north star as a leader. Emotions are contagious. It’s important for leaders to bring a realistic optimism, a can-do mindset, and an energetic environment to a team. That’s how I believe people do great work, enjoy the experience, and fulfill their deepest longings for purpose and meaning in their lives.
Yet, the leader has to feel it too. Authenticity has an important place in the mix. That can mean many things. It could be a willingness to experience discomfort and be okay with it. It might be a curiosity about what’s causing it. Or it could be reflecting on what’s important.
These are just a few things I learned from two intense November weekends with the Co-Active Training Institute. The co-active model focuses on “being in action … together.” With this series of coaching courses, I’m adding a fresh foundation to my business and leadership coaching business.
In addition to (hopefully) making me a more effective coach, there are some welcome side effects. It’s brought new perspectives to my social media consulting, my community involvement, and my family.
It also helped me identify three important questions for when you’re not feeling it.
What are you experiencing?
What’s happening with you right now? What else is going on? This is about creating space to simply be with the experience and acknowledge its presence in your life.
What’s important to you?
Not feeling it is an opportunity to step back and reflect on what’s important to you. What do you want? If you could do anything you wanted, what would you do?
What do you want to be doing instead?
Maybe there’s a hunger in your soul to be doing something completely different. Perhaps you miss doing something you enjoyed earlier in your life, or there’s something new you want to try. What are they?
The same goes for your social media
Much of my writing focuses on how to build your career through social media. One of my first consulting clients said how excited he was to be getting consulting and coaching all in one from me. Consulting was expressly part of our work, but coaching was not explicitly in the mix. That experience was one of several catalysts for becoming a coach in an “official” sense. Thank you, and you know who you are. š
The co-active coaching model also helped me tap into some new wisdom about social media. If you’re not feeling it about a specific event or a certain post, don’t feel obligated to share it. It’s ideal to help your network by sharing the best of your perspective and expertise on social media. If that means skipping a post or not sticking to a schedule because they don’t feel right, that’s fine.
It’s okay ā and even desirable ā to post selectively, take a break for a while, or set aside a posting schedule. Yes, consistency is important on social media. And so is the quality of your content and the way you feel about sharing it. Like most things in life, it’s a balance.
And more importantly, what do you do when you’re not feeling it?
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