Give Yourself Time

Starting a business, growing a career, nurturing a family – they all take time. Sometimes we don’t give ourselves enough time. We expect overnight success. And why wouldn’t we? That’s what so often appears on news and social media feeds. Everyone else seems to achieve instant success. But what we don’t see are the days, weeks, months, and years of slow, steady work that adds up to success over a longer arc of time. As I reflect on the first three years since launching my business, The Carrelle Company, the momentum is now more evident and growing. My question for you: what step will you take today to make your dream a reality?

 

Being Active on Social Media When Your Life Explodes

my picture of serenity

I was going to publish my book today. Life intervened. As life often does.

It reminds me that many cliches are true. Or at least they have a kernel of truth in them. Otherwise they wouldn’t be cliches.

Sayings about life and about writing have been ringing in my ears much more these last few months.

Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans. –Allen Saunders, John Lennon and perhaps others

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed. –Ernest Hemingway

The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair. Mary Heaton Vorse

So, what’s been happening in my life these last few months? In a nutshell, it’s been an incredible and an intense kaleidoscope of highs and lows.

I had the opportunity of a lifetime to say farewell to the corporate world after many wonderful years and start my own business. I write, research, consult, speak and teach about what successful people do in social media to build their careers and companies.

It’s incredibly exciting to build something from the ground up. So much needs to be done and created out of thin air. A name. A trademark. A limited liability company. A book. A group of fabulous clients. A TEDx talk to give soon. A class syllabus to complete. And the list goes on.

My son also started his senior year in high school. That brings a lot with college applications and big questions about what’s next for my League of Legends grand master player, the top 500 players in North America. (Really. People with access to a League client can find him at “ExodLa”)

My mother-in-law needed more help managing her life last fall, so I stepped in with other family members and picked up her finances. Sadly, she passed away in December. As she said shortly before that with courage and dignity, “ninety-one years is a pretty good run.” Indeed. We miss her every day.

My husband Kevin is opening a restaurant, and I’m his marketing person. My marketing and social media plan for the best new steakhouse in Redondo Beach, California is done, and now it’s all in the execution. Exciting, yes. Easy, right? 🙂

My daughter asked for help last night picking her spring quarter classes in college. If only I could recall or quickly find the graduation requirements for psychology and literature. But it was fun to talk about the pros and cons of childhood or adolescent psychology and Victorian or 1960s literature. There’s even a lit class (as in “literature,” not the Urban Dictionary def) about the TV show Jane The Virgin. Sign me up!

My mom was ready to replace her iPad and we waded through all the options together (iPad Pro? how much storage? which keyboard?) to find what would work best for her. I’m so excited all of her new tech goodies arrived and she’s having a blast.

Every day for the last week, we had the whole family and many helpers on deck to prepare my mother-in-law’s house for sale. It’s the first time it’s on the market in 50 years. All I will say is that’s a lot of clearing and cleaning.

The fourth truck from the junk haulers pulled away from the property just 45 minutes before the photographer arrived so the house could be listed that evening. The backyard is pictured above, by the way. The serenity is a much-needed contrast to our 21st-century lives. 

It is strange to feel incredibly blessed and completely overwhelmed all at the same time. Much of it has to do with how I like to live my life. I love being surrounded by fascinating people and interesting projects and big problems to solve.

As one of my former bosses, Joe Bosch, used to say, “Caroline, I can see your fingerprints on everything.” I think (hope?!) he meant that in a good way. I see connections between people and projects and ideas, and I like to bring them all together.

But what happens when life gets so overwhelming that it reaches the breaking point? One of the questions I’ve been struggling with is how to get my book published and how to share about it in social media. That means I also struggle with wanting everything to be perfect … or as close to perfect as it can be.

Let’s start with the easy parts. First, the book is written. It’s just about ready to become available as an ebook and in print (not that it was easy to write, but the hard part of writing and editing is done). It’s called What Successful People Do in Social Media: A Short Guide to Boosting Your Career.

Second, I know I’m supposed to be sharing more about my book on social media before it launches. But I also want the content I post to be as good as it can possibly be. And that takes time.

This is where I have to gently remind myself to just get it out there. Even if it’s not perfect. And when I’ve done that these last few weeks, I’ve been so humbled and heartened by everyone’s response.

It also reminded me that perfection is boring. It’s what puts people off rather than brings us together in our shared humanity of imperfection. We never truly know the challenges others are facing.

I can only imagine the labyrinth of issues you will navigate today. My heart goes out to you and wishes you courage and strength to work through it. And also that you might enjoy and cherish this wild and crazy experience called life and all of the wonderful people in it. 

This year I came up with five mantras for how I want to feel and act every day. When I start to get spun up about this or that, I remind myself of them. Here they are:

  1. Feel good now (thank you, Rhonda Byrne)
  2. Just do it (thank you, Nike)
  3. Deep work first (thank you, Cal Newport)
  4. Progress every day (thank you, Teresa Amabile)
  5. Enjoy every day (thank you, Linda Simon)

These might lend themselves to a future blog post, to fully describe what they mean and how they shape my days. But for now I’ll simply say from personal experience that the way to keep going is to be kind to yourself and others.

Recognize you’re carrying a heavy load. You don’t have to do it alone, and you don’t have to be perfect. Just be kind to yourself and others. Be committed to taking steps to move forward every day, even if you can’t complete the whole project you had in mind right away.

I hit some inevitable bumps in the road, and I made adjustments. I’m excited to say my book is coming … in March instead of in February (or last December or September) as I originally planned. I’m so excited to share it with you and with the world. I hope it will help you be all you can be by telling your special story on social media.

To wrap up, here are some of my other favorite quotes about life and writing that keep me moving forward …

Start before you’re ready. –Steven Pressfield (big ups to Tina Quinn for telling me about his book The Artist’s Journey)

Don’t wait for moods. You accomplish nothing if you do that. Your mind must know it has got to get down to work. –Pearl S. Buck

You can always edit a bad page. You can’t edit a blank page. … and … You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not. –Jodi Picoult

On my seemingly endless “to do” list, I had a note to publish a blog post before the end of February. Where was I going to find the time? I wasn’t. So I just decided to sit down this morning and write what was in my heart … guided by the principles of striving to be as positive, upbeat and helpful as I can.

So there you have it. The secret to being active on social media when your life is bursting at the seams is to just take the next step forward. Give some thought to what you could share about your own experience that could help your friends and colleagues on their journeys.

What are your secrets for sharing on social media when your life explodes?

How Gritty Are You?

FullSizeRender

Did you catch two great books that came out this month? Grit by Angela Duckworth and TED Talks by Chris Anderson were both released on May 3.

More to come on TED in a future post, and for the 6-minute version of Grit, watch the TED talk. Dive into Grit the book for more on the science behind the concept. This answered 3 key questions for me.

First, what is grit? Duckworth defines it as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals.” More than talent and intelligence, grit is what ultimately makes people successful in achieving their goals.

She said in her TED talk that “Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future, day in, day out, not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years, and working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like it’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

Are you curious to see how gritty you are? Test yourself on the Grit Scale.

Second, what can be life-changing about grit? You don’t have to possess natural talent or off-the-charts intelligence in order to do great things. In fact, “natural talent” may simply be the outcome of a lot of hard work behind the scenes that ultimately comes to appear effortless.

If you have passion for something and decide to persevere no matter what, you have an excellent chance of achieving your goal. So says the science in Duckworth’s studies.

Third, what does this mean for your life? It means you don’t have any excuses. You can no longer say you don’t have what it takes to accomplish a goal in your area of passion. You have to own up to the fact that you didn’t work hard enough.

Does that mean you should never throw in the towel on something? Of course not. There are times when you need to cut your losses and move on. Just don’t do it too soon. Give yourself time to move beyond the inevitable period of being bad at something new, with thanks here to Erika Andersen.

How has grit made a difference? A few years ago, my daughter was struggling in her first AP class in high school. She missed the deadline to level down to a regular class. A few academic advisors later told her they could move her to a lower class and suggested that she avoid future AP courses.

To my surprise (and delight), my daughter said no. She wanted to finish the course. And finish she did. She eked by with a passing, but not great, grade in the course. But she got a qualifying score on the exam, one that will give her college credit. And she went on to take other AP courses, with better grades and better scores. All because she chose to persevere.

You’ve probably faced times like those in your life and your career. I can think of more than a few. When launching a new way to work with social collaboration a few years ago, I had moments of terror. How would we do it? How would we manage through the inevitable mistakes? How would we make it successful?

The day our beta test launched, I decided I would start a blog. The purpose? To create a safe learning environment for others. To role model the use of the new platform. And to learn by doing so I could advise other leaders on starting their own blogs.

It wasn’t easy, admitting what I didn’t know. Making mistakes. Asking the community for help in how to perform seemingly simple functions, like creating hyperlinks. Or launching a project on Social Media for Innovation in partnership with Gerry Ledford of USC’s Center for Effective Organizations. But that’s how I learned.

A fierce level of tenacity existed among the people on my team at the time who were leading the project – Michael Ambrozewicz and Thyda Nhek Vanhook. And we had tremendous colleagues in our I.T. organization, starting from Frank Palase to Brian Ulm and many, many others.

How did we do? I knew we’d achieved success when people started talking about the platform in meetings. When I’d walk by a conference room and see a platform screen displayed on a monitor. When I worked with our CEO to launch his leadership blog. And when nearly 90% of our employees were using the platform to do their daily work more efficiently.

In those moments when you want to shut down and walk away from a seemingly unsolvable problem, what works best is to do the opposite. Take some kind of action. Any action. Get feedback from others. Adjust your path. And keep moving forward.

How do you persevere on your most important goals?