What to Do When Social Media Gets You Down

Photo of Cynthia Dillard, Kathie Frasquillo and Mallika Siegel by Jessica Sterling

Social media is in the headlines a lot these days. And not always in a good way.

As I shared in my TEDx talk this spring about lifelong learning, social media gets a bad rap. It saps our attention. It makes us depressed. It polarizes our world.

Scrolling through our Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn feeds can be a trip down the rabbit hole of comparison hell. None of us can ever measure up to the carefully curated feeds of people and brands we see every day.

Unless …

… we remember that the only competition is with ourselves.

… we remember never to compare others’ outsides to our insides.

… and most importantly, we remember a great power of social media.

And that’s the power to lift others up. To rejoice in the accomplishments of others. And to use our voice on social media to amplify their good deeds.

On Administrative Professionals’ Day this spring, I was inspired by a post from Anne Chow, a senior leader at AT&T and someone who always inspired me when I worked there. She lauded her administrative assistant and how important she was to the her and the team.

That made me reflect. I had the good fortune to work personally with two exceptionally talented assistants, Kathie Frasquillo and Nancy Takahashi. And I worked peripherally with others, including Cynthia Dillard and Mallika Siegel.

And that made me remember I had some great pictures of them from my corporate farewell event (thank you, Jessica Sterling). It was the perfect confluence of factors to post a thank-you message on LinkedIn.

Seeing the community of comments and appreciation that sprung out of it was truly gratifying. What a boost for all involved. Suddenly, my day felt brighter, and hopefully others felt the same.

It was the putting into action one of the concepts in the book I published this spring, What Successful People Do in Social Media: A Short Guide to Boosting Your Career.

In my book, I talk about the social media trifecta. What’s that? It’s bucketing your social media content into thirds:

  • The first one is sharing what you’re doing in the work world.
  • The second one is amplifying the great things your team or your colleagues are doing.
  • And the third one is being a brand ambassador for your organization.

In this way, you don’t over index on promoting yourself and potentially turning people off in the process. You build goodwill with your colleagues and your team by highlighting their good works. And where it makes sense you share the good work of your employer.

As spring soon gives way to summer, I reflected on some of the social media posts that made me rejoice in what colleagues and friends are doing ..

My former colleague and inclusion mentor L. Michelle Smith launched the popular The Culture Soup Podcast and embarked on an inspiring series of speaking events.

My friend Corii Berg boldly stepped into the president role of the USC Alumni Association Board of Governors, following other inspirational leaders Michael Felix and Jaime Lee.

My former boss Fiona Carter is now leading the #SeeHer movement to bring equality to and eliminate bias in the way women and girls are portrayed in advertising and media.

My friends Tom Henkenius, Austin Maddox, Madeline Lindsay, Allegra Guitierrez, Briana Latter, Stephanie Corrigan, Danielle Harvey Stinson and others celebrated their graduations from USC.

My former colleagues Sarah Groves, John Stancliffe and others continue to inspire me with their social media innovation in the B2B space and beyond.

My students in the social media program at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising are all doing amazing things as they get ready to graduate in June.

My friend Tina Quinn published a fabulous book this spring called Invisible Things. Tina coached me through some difficult times a few years ago and she inspires me every day.

My former colleague TeNita Ballard is doing so much to make the world a more inclusive place, especially for veterans and people with disabilities.

My former colleague Charles Miller keeps me and others up to speed with beautiful scenes of New York on his Instagram grid.

And an amazing thing has happened just as I’ve reflected on all of these special people and what they’re doing in the world. I feel uplifted. I feel inspired. I feel happy for them.

And the way for me to share that feeling is by engaging with their social media content, by liking and commenting and sharing their good deeds.

This spring has been difficult in many ways. Yes, it was the thrill of a lifetime to give a TEDx talk and publish a book and help my husband Kevin with the launch of his new restaurant this summer (Pacific Standard Prime in Redondo Beach, for those in So Cal).

But it’s been challenging shepherding my son through his last few months, weeks and days of high school. Like seniors all over the country, he’s beyond ready to move on to the next thing.

In his case, it’s a bit of a different path. He’s been “scrimming” (practicing) with two esports teams in League of Legends. Now when he’s sitting on the couch with his headset on playing a video game, he’s actually doing a job and getting his first paychecks.

Our world is changing so quickly, it can be hard to keep up. But if the happiness I feel right now in thinking about friends and colleagues is any indication, one way for you to find happiness is to look for the good in others and amplify it in social media.

Being Active on Social Media When Your Life Explodes

my picture of serenity

I was going to publish my book today. Life intervened. As life often does.

It reminds me that many cliches are true. Or at least they have a kernel of truth in them. Otherwise they wouldn’t be cliches.

Sayings about life and about writing have been ringing in my ears much more these last few months.

Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans. –Allen Saunders, John Lennon and perhaps others

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed. –Ernest Hemingway

The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair. Mary Heaton Vorse

So, what’s been happening in my life these last few months? In a nutshell, it’s been an incredible and an intense kaleidoscope of highs and lows.

I had the opportunity of a lifetime to say farewell to the corporate world after many wonderful years and start my own business. I write, research, consult, speak and teach about what successful people do in social media to build their careers and companies.

It’s incredibly exciting to build something from the ground up. So much needs to be done and created out of thin air. A name. A trademark. A limited liability company. A book. A group of fabulous clients. A TEDx talk to give soon. A class syllabus to complete. And the list goes on.

My son also started his senior year in high school. That brings a lot with college applications and big questions about what’s next for my League of Legends grand master player, the top 500 players in North America. (Really. People with access to a League client can find him at “ExodLa”)

My mother-in-law needed more help managing her life last fall, so I stepped in with other family members and picked up her finances. Sadly, she passed away in December. As she said shortly before that with courage and dignity, “ninety-one years is a pretty good run.” Indeed. We miss her every day.

My husband Kevin is opening a restaurant, and I’m his marketing person. My marketing and social media plan for the best new steakhouse in Redondo Beach, California is done, and now it’s all in the execution. Exciting, yes. Easy, right? 🙂

My daughter asked for help last night picking her spring quarter classes in college. If only I could recall or quickly find the graduation requirements for psychology and literature. But it was fun to talk about the pros and cons of childhood or adolescent psychology and Victorian or 1960s literature. There’s even a lit class (as in “literature,” not the Urban Dictionary def) about the TV show Jane The Virgin. Sign me up!

My mom was ready to replace her iPad and we waded through all the options together (iPad Pro? how much storage? which keyboard?) to find what would work best for her. I’m so excited all of her new tech goodies arrived and she’s having a blast.

Every day for the last week, we had the whole family and many helpers on deck to prepare my mother-in-law’s house for sale. It’s the first time it’s on the market in 50 years. All I will say is that’s a lot of clearing and cleaning.

The fourth truck from the junk haulers pulled away from the property just 45 minutes before the photographer arrived so the house could be listed that evening. The backyard is pictured above, by the way. The serenity is a much-needed contrast to our 21st-century lives. 

It is strange to feel incredibly blessed and completely overwhelmed all at the same time. Much of it has to do with how I like to live my life. I love being surrounded by fascinating people and interesting projects and big problems to solve.

As one of my former bosses, Joe Bosch, used to say, “Caroline, I can see your fingerprints on everything.” I think (hope?!) he meant that in a good way. I see connections between people and projects and ideas, and I like to bring them all together.

But what happens when life gets so overwhelming that it reaches the breaking point? One of the questions I’ve been struggling with is how to get my book published and how to share about it in social media. That means I also struggle with wanting everything to be perfect … or as close to perfect as it can be.

Let’s start with the easy parts. First, the book is written. It’s just about ready to become available as an ebook and in print (not that it was easy to write, but the hard part of writing and editing is done). It’s called What Successful People Do in Social Media: A Short Guide to Boosting Your Career.

Second, I know I’m supposed to be sharing more about my book on social media before it launches. But I also want the content I post to be as good as it can possibly be. And that takes time.

This is where I have to gently remind myself to just get it out there. Even if it’s not perfect. And when I’ve done that these last few weeks, I’ve been so humbled and heartened by everyone’s response.

It also reminded me that perfection is boring. It’s what puts people off rather than brings us together in our shared humanity of imperfection. We never truly know the challenges others are facing.

I can only imagine the labyrinth of issues you will navigate today. My heart goes out to you and wishes you courage and strength to work through it. And also that you might enjoy and cherish this wild and crazy experience called life and all of the wonderful people in it. 

This year I came up with five mantras for how I want to feel and act every day. When I start to get spun up about this or that, I remind myself of them. Here they are:

  1. Feel good now (thank you, Rhonda Byrne)
  2. Just do it (thank you, Nike)
  3. Deep work first (thank you, Cal Newport)
  4. Progress every day (thank you, Teresa Amabile)
  5. Enjoy every day (thank you, Linda Simon)

These might lend themselves to a future blog post, to fully describe what they mean and how they shape my days. But for now I’ll simply say from personal experience that the way to keep going is to be kind to yourself and others.

Recognize you’re carrying a heavy load. You don’t have to do it alone, and you don’t have to be perfect. Just be kind to yourself and others. Be committed to taking steps to move forward every day, even if you can’t complete the whole project you had in mind right away.

I hit some inevitable bumps in the road, and I made adjustments. I’m excited to say my book is coming … in March instead of in February (or last December or September) as I originally planned. I’m so excited to share it with you and with the world. I hope it will help you be all you can be by telling your special story on social media.

To wrap up, here are some of my other favorite quotes about life and writing that keep me moving forward …

Start before you’re ready. –Steven Pressfield (big ups to Tina Quinn for telling me about his book The Artist’s Journey)

Don’t wait for moods. You accomplish nothing if you do that. Your mind must know it has got to get down to work. –Pearl S. Buck

You can always edit a bad page. You can’t edit a blank page. … and … You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not. –Jodi Picoult

On my seemingly endless “to do” list, I had a note to publish a blog post before the end of February. Where was I going to find the time? I wasn’t. So I just decided to sit down this morning and write what was in my heart … guided by the principles of striving to be as positive, upbeat and helpful as I can.

So there you have it. The secret to being active on social media when your life is bursting at the seams is to just take the next step forward. Give some thought to what you could share about your own experience that could help your friends and colleagues on their journeys.

What are your secrets for sharing on social media when your life explodes?