What Does Kindness Have to Do with Learning?

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Does what we say to ourselves influence how much, how fast and how well we can learn new things?

Absolutely, says Erika Andersen, the author of the forthcoming book Be Bad First.

She outlines 4 key mental tools in her Harvard Business Review article, Learning to Learn. They are aspiration, self-awareness, curiosity and vulnerability.

Aspiration. Andersen says “great learners can raise their aspiration level.” How? By focusing on the benefits of what you’ll learn, rather than on the challenges in the learning process. A good question to ask is “What would my future look like if I learned this?”

Self-awareness. This is about seeking feedback and taking action on it. Good questions to ask yourself about feedback are “Is this accurate?” “What facts do I have to support it?” and “How do I compare with my peers?”

Curiosity. Andersen writes that “curiosity is what makes us try something until we can do it it, or think about something until we understand it.”

If you’re not interested in a new subject, Anderson advocates changing your self-talk to ask why others find the subject so interesting.

As a person interested in words, ideas and influence, my curiosity is helping me find where those interests intersect with analytics and big data.

In starting to read Tom Davenport‘s Big Data @ Work, I became more curious about how organizations of the future will better focus on the collaboration and communications activities of their people.

This led me to a footnote that took me to another book called Social Physics. This is defined as “analyzing patterns of human experience and idea exchange within the digital bread crumbs we all leave behind us as we move through the world.”

Now I’m truly fascinated and thinking about the connections with another book I read last year, The Reputation Economy. This is about how individuals can shape their digital footprint at a time when your reputation can dictate the kind of life you’ll live and what opportunities may be available to you.

Vulnerability. This is about the scary prospect of “being bad at something for weeks or months; feeling awkward and slow; having to ask ‘dumb’ questions; and needing step-by-step guidance again and again.”

The cure? Changing what you say to yourself. Andersen suggests that instead of saying “I’m terrible at this,” replace it with, “I’m making beginner mistakes, but I’ll get better.”

As I’m pursuing my own learning project and getting up to speed in a new role, I reminded myself of trying out for a sports team in high school.

When I showed up for the first practice before tryouts, I almost didn’t come back the next day. I felt uncoordinated, self-conscious and silly. But I made myself come back the next day. And the next.

And happily, I made the team. But what if I’d given up that first day? What if I’d allowed myself to believe that I was terrible and had no hope of getting better?

There are very few things we can’t learn if we tell ourselves we can. And if we encourage ourselves with positive thoughts. And remind ourselves that others don’t notice our mistakes as much as we might think.

I have to tell myself that frequently as I walk into yet another figurative wall by mistake. Oops. That hurt. Did anyone notice my mistake?

But the important thing is the dust yourself off. To keep moving forward. And to avoid making the same mistake twice.

What’s a good way to do that? By being kind to yourself. Encourage yourself. Have faith that with grit and perseverance, you can do what you set out to do.

One day this month I came home and a friend from a community group had left a thank-you card and a book on my doorstep. The book is “The Power of Kindness.” It’s about “the unexpected benefits of leading a compassionate life.”

And while the main focus of the book is on being kind to others, there is power in being just as kind to ourselves.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t set aspirational goals and have high standards for ourselves. But it does mean encouraging ourselves and asking how we could do better next time.

In addition to my learning journey in data and analytics, I’ve written in this blog about learning stand-up paddle boarding and learning yoga. My goal this summer is to combine the two.

Today I went paddle boarding and tomorrow I’ll take a yoga class. The benefit to both is a kind of zen that helps me be kinder to myself and to others.

It pulls me out of the moment-to-moment frenzy of everyday life and puts me in a meditative state. A reflective state. A refreshed state.

All the better to keep learning.

Stretch Into Your Future

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What are your learning goals for the new year?

If you need data-driven ideas and inspiration, check out Stretch: How to Future-Proof Yourself for Tomorrow’s Workplace.

Co-authored by Karie Willyerd and Barbara Mistick, this new book is packed full of strategies to ramp up your learning, your career and your life.

At DIRECTV we had the good fortune to have Karie speak on a number of occasions – at our annual leadership meeting, at large department conferences and to our employee resource group for young professionals.

Karie shared insights from another book she co-authored, with Jeanne C. Meister, called Workplace 2020: How Innovative Companies Attract, Develop and Keep Tomorrow’s Employees Today.

She was always a hit – sparking dialogue, stoking debate and seeding positive changes in the workplace and the culture.

It was a pleasant surprise to get a friendly email from Karie this fall, asking how things were going. Doing a quick Google search before I responded to see what Karie had been up to lately, I was thrilled to see she had a new book in the works.

Since I recently pivoted into a new role, the Kindle version of Stretch zoomed to the top of my list for winter holiday reading.

It starts by asking “who do you want to be tomorrow?”

And it outlines the megatrends that will impact the future of your career – globalization, demographics shifts, data explosion, emerging technologies, climate change, redefined jobs and complexity.

How should today’s professional respond?

By stretching your skills and abilities, the authors say. And by taking into account your dreams for yourself and your family in the future.

There are 5 key practices, each with several supporting strategies. Here are the 4 strategies, preceded by the key practice area, that most resonated with me. They’ll help inform my learning journey.

Learn on the fly: cultivate curiosity. This strategy is about constantly asking “why?”

Why ask why? You’ll question assumptions and unconscious rules, which may lead to new insights and ideas.

The authors provide some good questions in a “curiosity stimulator checklist” –

  • “What is the most interesting project or idea you are working on now, or wish you were working on?”
  • “What is valid about the dissenting viewpoint in this discussion?”
  • “What assumptions or models am I using that causes me to agree or disagree in this situation?”

Be open: seek feedback. This is the strategy I most wanted to ignore, so I knew I needed to include it.

The authors aptly described why: “As researchers of vulnerability understand, our self-confidence takes a plunge when we feel we are being criticized.”

Yet plunge into seeking feedback, I must, to grow and improve. And to do so, the authors describe good ways to create a safe environment in asking others for candid feedback:

  • “If you could imagine the perfect person doing the perfect job in the role I’m in, what do you think they might be doing differently than I am?”
  • “What 2 or 3 pieces of advice do you have for me that you think would have made this project better?”

Build a diverse network: strive for five to thrive. Strong and diverse networks stretch you, the authors say, reminding me of Roselinde Torres‘ TED talk on What Makes a Great Leader?

The strategic question that spoke to me? “Who are the 5 people who can help you be a better person, especially when it comes to your work?”

They could be people in your network who “inspired you, stretched your thinking, left you feeling it’s possible to change, introduced you to new knowledge in different fields and demonstrated being an expert in ways you aren’t.”

My diverse list of 5 is taking shape. During January I’ll be connecting with them to meet for coffee and talk virtually during the year.

Be greedy about experiences: approach targeted work with a development stance. This is where “you care about getting the task done really well and using what you learn to do even better work in the future.”

The development stance, as opposed to a completion or performance stance, could include doing research, talking to people with expertise, observing processes that work well or taking an online course or a MOOC.

The book has a template to identify your major projects and tasks, skills that can be developed in each one and how you’ll approach each project – with a completion, performance or development stance.

As I work through the template and choose areas of focus for development, I’ll share some of my learning experiences in future posts.

How will you stretch in the coming year?