by Caroline Leach | Nov 20, 2015 | Change, Work/Life
This post is based on my inspiration at the November meeting of the Palos Verdes Chapter of National Charity League.
Here are a few things to give thanks for – Fall weather. Football. Fireplaces. Finally!
Our president Francine Mathiesen is a great model of this year’s theme of “Being The Good.” And Thanksgiving is great for doing good.
NCL is full of opportunities – turkey dinners for Boys & Girls Club, meals at LA Food Bank, time with children at Peace4Kids, and more.
And by doing good, you’ll feel good. People who are givers are happier. You already know this, but it’s worth a reminder.
Why? Because of the “happiness curve.” People start life out happy, but then a funny thing happens.
Happiness hits rock bottom in the 40s and early 50s. The global average is 46. So be happy if you’re past that age, because you’re already on the upswing.
One theory is teenagers are a drag on happiness. The Economist asked, “Could the misery of the middle-aged be the consequence of sharing space with angry adolescents?”
In our house, we turned the “angry adolescent” phrase into a joke when one of our teens is in a bad mood. It lightens up heavy moments.
That brings me to a great book. Who’s read Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project?
She took a year to experiment with becoming happier. Each month she had a new focus – boosting energy, remembering love, making time for friends, and so on.
She’s a wife, a mother of two daughters, and a lawyer. When she clerked with Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, she realized she wanted to be a writer.
You might enjoy doing your own happiness project in 2016.
She starts by sharing her “Secrets of Adulthood.” Here are my favorites:
- People don’t notice your mistakes as much as you think
- Most decisions don’t require extensive research
- It’s important to be nice to everyone
- By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished
- If you can’t find something, clean up
- You don’t have to be good at everything
- If you’re not failing, you’re not trying hard enough
- People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry
- You can’t profoundly change your children’s natures by nagging them or signing them up for classes
- Do good, feel good – because one of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy.
So how did I try doing good? As a start, my family had fun putting together Thanksgiving dinners for the local Boys & Girls Club.
What else brought joy was helping a friend.
She’s self-employed as a manicurist and comes to Los Angeles once a week to work. The hotel where she stays raised its rates, so she asked for my advice about increasing her own.
Instead, I suggested we check out Airbnb. There have to be lots of people in the area with an affordable extra room or guesthouse.
We downloaded the app together, did a search and found some great-looking options.
The smile on her face made my day.
That’s the kind of happiness project Gretchen Rubin advocates.
While she was inspired by other happiness projects – Henry David Thoreau’s move to Walden Pond and Elizabeth Gilbert’s travels in Eat, Pray, Love – she didn’t want to reject her everyday life.
Here’s what she said: “I wanted to change my life without changing my life, by finding more happiness in my own kitchen. I knew I wouldn’t discover happiness in a faraway place or in unusual circumstances.
“It was right here, right now – as in the haunting play The Blue Bird, where two children spend a year searching the world for the Blue Bird of Happiness, only to find the bird waiting for them when they finally return home.”
by Caroline Leach | Sep 20, 2015 | Change, Leadership, Learning, Work/Life
When the world seems full of rejection, look for bright spots. And make the most of the them.
I choose to see rejections simply as milestones along my journey. They aren’t major rejections. A community involvement role here. A professional association board membership there. And some others along the way.
One bright spot is I got the volunteer job I wanted this year in National Charity League. I’m the inspiration chair for the Palos Verdes chapter. I give a short talk each month to inspire my fellow members.
We’re parents serving communities along with our daughters in middle and high school. We’re part of a national organization fostering mother-daughter relationships in a philanthropic organization committed to community service and giving 1 million hands-on volunteer hours annually.
And we’re busy – juggling children, careers and community.
So my inspiration this month began with a collective exhale. We were gathered on a scenic September evening at the seaside cliffs of the Point Vicente Interpretive Center.
And here’s what I said.
By a show of hands, how many of you –
- Have more texts, emails, pings and dings than you can answer?
- Have more calendar commitments than you can ever do?
- Feel like everyone but you leads a charmed life on Facebook and Instagram?
Well, welcome to a new school year!
One mom with two school-aged kids is also the junior senator from New York. Her name is Kirsten Gillibrand. In her book, Off the Sidelines, she says if you ask a mother how it’s going, the universal answer is “Um, barely holding it together.”
So you’re in good company with parents everywhere.
But my job is not to depress you. It’s to inspire you.
Since we often meet at the Palos Verdes Library, my theme this year is good books. And it’s a complement to the theme of this year’s president, Francine Mathieson – Be the Good.
And while you don’t need yet another thing to do, how many of you would like to:
- Increase your concentration and improve your memory?
- Connect better with people on an emotional level?
- Feel happier, calmer and less stressed?
Then reading, as little as six minutes a day, can help you do that.
A study on stress was done at the University of Sussex – yes, it’s in England, so it may or may not be on your daughter’s college list.
It showed reading was better at lowering stress than a number of other activities, such as listening to music, taking a walk, drinking tea or playing a video game.
Reading focuses your mind and crowds out worries – with no hangover, extra calories or other bad side effects. What could be better?
Thanks to Debra Young-Stearns and her team, you have a reminder bookmark on your chair about keeping calm and reading a good book.
The next time we meet at the library, visit the new releases section. It’s like being in a bookstore and walking out with every new book you want – for free!
(And post-inspiration talk, I took my own advice and found Frank Bruni‘s terrific book, Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be, pictured above).
There’s also a great new book out by Brené Brown called Rising Strong. You may have watched her popular TED talks or read her books. Her new book is about resilience and bouncing back from adversity.
I first heard Brené when I was driving to Lake Arrowhead a year ago to meet our very own Beth Graziano and other friends for a family weekend. And I have a feeling Brené and Beth would be the best of friends.
My life was busy, so I drove up by myself after the rest of the group. And I found the TED talk playlists to keep me company – pick a topic and you’ll be entertained by 18-minute talk after talk for several hours.
The last one as I wound my way up the mountain was called The Power of Vulnerability. With more than 21 million views, it has struck a universal chord.
I closed with a few words from Brené’s talk. About our children being wired and ready for struggle and being worthy of love and belonging. And about believing that “we are enough.”
Because, as Brown says, “when we work from a place that says, ‘I am enough,’ we’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves.”
I am enough. You are enough. Enjoy this beautiful season.
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